Conversations with the Guide
Guide’s Response
In preparation for Sunday group, please read the Sangha submissions and listen to this recording from the Guide addressing the various themes in what was sent in.
Gasshō
Anxiety Assignment 2 Submissions
4/4/2023
Many moments that normally provoke anxiety met with silent, internal “I love you.” Love seemed for All. The relief and even joy it brought seems to point to the core anxiety being that ‘you will leave me when it gets hard.’ Realizing it’s impossible to be ‘left’ profoundly reassuring. Gasshō
Anxiety Assignment 2 Submissions
4/3/2023
Surprised to see that fear has been a constant in my life, whether conscious or not. Practicing this assignment (the felt sense of being fearful and at the same time being love and acceptance) is a major shift in every way. So grateful for this practice. Life is a marvel.
Profoundly helpful, time and time again, it never gets old. Life without suffering is ever present when paying attention. Freedom through unconditional acceptance, day to day, moment by moment. Everything shifts to Center and my commitment to be present with every new moment of creation is living proof. Gassho R/L
Ego has a great time torturing and diagnosing physical ailments, it's got to be Covid or Cancer nothing in between. I tell myself: you've been told this before and the diagnosis was never correct. I breath in and realize my body is already healing itself, no need to worry.
The mentor unlocked a safe place to admit ‘my' anxiety is sheer terror. Showed me it's behind my automatically rejecting anything sprung on me; behind a deep anger I could never get at. It's that such a glorious world/life is poisoned by such terror. Mentor: "well, ego's gig's up now!!"
Seems I've been charged with an orphanage of beings who've been subjected to different aspects of karmicconditioning, and I want to be in the attitude of "lucky me" about that. Key pieces: not panicking about what the children fear and welcoming them lovingly so they don't have to be alone.R/L
I was quite young with severe asthma, before treatment was available at home. Gasping for the next breath, my mother would carry me into the bed she shared with my father, furious at the unexpected twin. The setup: The small child, the mother, the disapproving voices. It's not my fault.
After doing 2-handed R/L about a rough patch I'm experiencing, I shifted from desperately demanding the mentor "save" me to becoming the mentor. In that moment, the human was saved. I noticed the knot in my stomach loosening and realized there had been anxiety in the desperation previously unnoticed.. R/L
Practicing to connect deeply with the loving support of the One who truly is here. To be wrapped in kindness when anxiety or fear is activated, which brings attention to the perfection of now, and the connection to All. Separation only exists in ego, conditioning, Practice works! R/L, Gassho,
Sometimes when I walk in my yard and look out over the river and back at my house, I say to myself "one day this is all going to go away". There is a deep but subtle anxiety about this that is more physical than mental. Must accept the inevitable.
The love needs to be unconditional and it needs to be constant. Keeping the light on in the bedroom, and the door open, and a caring adult nearby are ESSENTIAL for the well-being of the child (me) in every situation. It's very inspiring! And I can do it. R/L. Gassho.
When ego flings arrows of fear/anxiety, and they hit their target, my heart; I grab my recorder for a 2 handed conversation with Mentor, True Authentic Nature that lives within me and loves me dearly. The arrows turn to flowers, fear/anxiety gone, leaving peace and wellbeing in its wake. R/L
Musings Newsletter hit home. See that opportunities arise, requiring no ego scanning for causes of suffering (eg anxiety). Big opportunity arose this week. Needed mentor every second to explore ego's deep need to control. See again that the little scared one inside is also ego, playing off itself. Gassho. R/L
"We will do for the love of others..." Of course I will go to the ends of the earth to care for this person! Even though the sensations in the body are still present, their intensity is no longer fuelled by the power of the stories. Deep gratitude. Gassho. R/L
(Per my friend): For a minute the fear seems gone. Suddenly it says ""I'm here, there is no escape, I'm in charge again."" When I turn to face the self-hate it threatens me, and that scares me. Because the fear manifests into physical ailments which consumes me. Learning to R/L.
Chronic anxiety partly caused by shame re: memories/thoughts of certain long-ago actions. Experimented becoming wise, loving grandmother/protector to misguided, young-adult me. GrandmotherProtector understands deep-down why I'd behaved unskillfully. Guided today's self-flagellating me with warmth, love, reassurance. Doesn't change the past but changes how it's codified in the mind. R/L. Gassho.
As I investigate my monsters in the closet I see there is nothing there, maybe I could start to drop the story, only to notice it not easy to drop.
Fear I won't protect myself from pain, rejection, shame. Accepting and comforting to scared child, I am here, no matter what. You can count on me, I'm always aware and show there is nothing to fear, no matter what. My mind quiets and body relaxes.
Resistance and confusion. Conditioning screams some things are real - chronic pain, aging, inflation eroding a fixed income. How to accept and breathe during brutal attacks? Practice feeling someone holding my hand, listening to Fear Book and recordings. I may be on my way, water dripping on stone. Gassho R/L
Fear/anxiety arises. Take a breathe, get here. What is so is: I love this person. I am concerned for their well being. I want the best for them. I don't know, I can't make that happen, and I can show up in presence for myself and them R/L Gassho
Conscious of "Hurry" and "You should be doing something else" and "I'll just..." driving an entire life. The thoughts create the reality that makes the thoughts so. Great to see. Learning to disregard the thoughts, emotions-guilt and shame, and commit my attention with my whole heart. What a great opportunity.
Ego mightily defends its barriers against Wisdom, Love, Compassion... Thankful for practitioner's willingness, persistence, heart that keeps showing up (however she's able to in any given moment) in spite of suffering human's pleas to quit practice so egocentrickarmicconditioningself-hate will ease up... just teeniest bit... Storm intensity suggests Freedom's close by.
In the past, ego has been focused on "bucking up" and "getting through" scary situations. The feeling of having a compassionate guide who is with me always is sinking in to my bones. Beyond "getting through" and on to "open doors of wisdom". Less time spent in fear, possibilities abound.
Fear and anxiety are very lonely. I have noticed that when experiencing fear/anxiety, I reach out and cling to someone or something for support. Through this "mind blowing" imagery, I will practice recollecting - I already have the divine support and protection I need and turn inward to the mentor.
I missed my mom. (She'd died.) Realized I felt abandoned. EKC/SH said, "I can't be Big Person; I'm Little Person!" Another time, EKC/SH said, "I'm bad." I cried because I'd been told that SO MANY TIMES!! As Big Person, I reassured her I will be here whenever she needs me.
It was great to feel the 'anxiety'/'nervousness'/'fear' - to be Present to the sensations while recording. Mentor's response: "Why don't we spend tomorrow ('scary' event) together with Unconditional Love?" This conversation made me want to have more of these conversations with the Mentor. Have one scheduled for tonight! Gassho R/L
Saw intent to connect to important little girl caused big-time Ego-resistance: terrible threats, prognostications, outright bullying. Saw that persistent sitting with fearless curiosity brought me to a place of loving kindness and deep, open, beautiful connection with the little one. So deeply grateful. Gassho.
A trigger I have creates a body reaction and an old conversation of dread. Being with the mentor I heard: This is just one of many, many things happening in the world at this moment and it's not personal". I also put my hand on my heart which grounded me
This supportive assignment evolved into a practice of imagining us (Mentor & child) going into the closet whenever there was fear or upset. We'd see a box labeled "hurt" or "fear of...". We'd patiently examine the box. When opened, it was ultimately empty. Upset seemed to drop away. R/L Gassho
I found resistance to do the exercise. But I had few episodes of fear and doing the dialogue of reassurance helped! I didn't have a "aha" moment right after, but I realize now how slowly the fearful emotion lightened up...I have the power I need to use it. R/L. Gassho
Working with fear in the night caused by intense bodily sensations. They are so intense that they seem to override any attempts at walking through the process outlined in the assignment. However, there is a comforting Presence of the Observer, which I'm guessing is the Mentor? Gassho R/L
Recognizing low-grade, recurring fear about terrible pollution in my city. Practicing acceptance of the current state of the earth, air, water; and turning attention away from fear-mongering, blaming, judgmental voices and toward That Thou Art. When attention's on the space between the thoughts there is only love and possibility. Gassho
It's so old anxiety and fear keeping me in bondage and misery. Keeping me from peace and freedom. I'm training to embrace the frightened child into my heart being the compassionate kindness and awareness. I'm here with you and your not alone. That was helpful "your not alone" Gassho
Fear-did I love enough? My husband of many years dying of cancer. How will I feel after? It was a difficult relationship sometimes. Used it all for awareness practice. Clearly observing ego conversation. Only ego would want me to think I wasn't enough. Seeing the blessedness of a tough path.
First fear experience was noticing fearful thoughts during meditation. The noticing allowed a sense of calm, space to realize they were only thoughts. And I wasn't alone. There was a reassuring presence during the experience. Very powerful. No surprise at the great resistance to practicing with this more! R/L
Ego will not stop trying to use anxiety and fear to create self-hate. Mentor suggests that I stop listening to ego and seek unconditional love for all beings and do what this requires without hate. Mentor offers to assist me in opening my heart through focussed practice. R/L
I love the level of love and support modeled in the recording. I will bring this state of mind to my fears with money and financial planning. I see how conditioning has been in charge and how I can have Life with me instead. Gassho. R/L
The experience of fear: being alone, abandoned, isolated. That experience increases the fear that was initially generated. I believe I'm alone so long as the conditioned voices saying that seem like me. But the isolation can be a red flag, turning me to the Mentor. Sweet accompaniment there! R/L
I have frequently had trouble receiving help, care, love, support from anyone. Conditioning says that I am always a long way from actually deserving it (no criteria given). Even while aware of this, my body does not open easily to gestures of kindness or support. Suspicion arises. Gassho R/L
Identified the ego diet snake. Recognized overeating as a way to of comforting the small child who didn't/doesn't feel nurtured. Offering a redirection of attention by caring for the child by listening, connecting with feelings, and stillness so well that it doesn't occur to me to eat. R/L
Life threatening cancer running rampant in my family is scary for real, right? But then I see how I reassure my wife and sister. I would do anything to help them feel safe and calm and reassured, so I can do that for me, too. I start with the recorder.
I love listening to this meditation before sleep- or early morning- the veil of fear is slowly being lifted. Providing comfort or protection to the little one helps directly support myself. The idea we can never be small enough to avoid the fears helped take their power away Rl
Conditioning creates monsters that are lurking on background. Seeing how often I need to listen to the recordings that dispel monsters and fears. It's almost an imprint in subconsciousness or an emotional picture that conditioning just have to point to for child to be scared. Learning to draw pictures. R/L
Experiencing the magic of being with the human in acceptance during anxiety. It helps to be on the lookout with excitement. Mentor showed up and there was relief from the punishing judgements. Several stressful events this week. Looked forward to opportunities to see how conditioning gets me.. R/L
Fear (ego) keeps me from looking (practicing), status quo is maintained with conditioning reporting "there's something wrong", and moments of presence used by ego to keep me in the loop. Guide offers keys: acceptance, become the mentoring presence. In conscious, compassionate awareness, I recommit again and yet again. Gassho R/L
I sit in the quiet stillness of the morning. Listening for that still quiet voice within. I feel fear arising and let that precious, divine child know that I am here for her. Accepting the feelings that arise, I let her know that all is well. I let go. Gassho
Ego doesn't want me to ask the child what is wrong. The child knows where the fear is coming from. It knows it's not the content ego keeps telling it. I saw the Mentor give the child, Truth, space to be seen, and embraced in conscious, compassionate awareness. Gassho R/L
Strong storms, howling wind, lightening. Child is terrified. Asks if she can sleep with parents. No! go to sleep! Sadness consumes adult me as I write this. Tears. Tightness in chest and abdomen restricts breathing. Tingling in arms. Life/being seems unfriendly. Allow feelings. Soon shoulders relax. Spontaneous deep breath. Gassho.
I have noticed the weak link in my healing practice is self-compassion. It felt SO good to practice saying the compassionate words to the frightened child( ME) that I found myself doing it ALOT! It has been transformative. I'm feeling grounded, PRESENT & UNANXIOUS for huge chunks of time now!
Ego tells me I'll be out of control/make bad choices if I don't listen to it. The monster is real and coming to get me in the form of afflictions or disabilities. Yet ego lulls me to sleep only to berate/scare me at the end of the day. R/L
Very helpful! Thank You! Instead of getting impatient and angry at the sight of anxiety, deep breathing and getting comfortable and compassionate with that inner child, Big hug! R/L Gasshō
In looking for the monster together, I saw it was not the monster I thought it was (and didn't exist anyway). Once I saw the actual hook (shame), it lost all power. As both the held child and holding adult, we can face anything.
I love this! Seeing the vulnerable, scared child and looking at what I'm afraid of with loving compassion shifts everything. Fear loses its power and the paralysis and terror caused by fear go away. Very grateful to hear this process laid out so clearly and lovingly by the Guide. Gassho.
A knowing that I will be okay no matter what happens. Dreadful things have happened and all is good. Ego I doesn't want to go through these frightening experiences anymore. Just breathe and trust life - accepting all that is. R/L
Seems that the more vigilance I bring to this, the harder "anxiety" becomes to find. Having incessantly noodled about whether the Mentor/Creature/Ego framework is just "made up stuff". Realized that life is filled with so much "made up stuff" that I will risk adopting this. Letting go helpful. Especially ego.
Loved the assignment... until the time to respond. Enter snakes. Fear. Urgency. You have nothing to say. Get it right. Looked directly at the snakes. Fading. A hand reached out. Together checked the bed, the closet. Sweet, patient. No shame for being scared. No pressure or pushing, only understanding. Gassho.
As I made recordings for myself, the monsters in my life turned to love! With the support of the mentor, life looks exciting in places that can be scary. I'm making more of these recordings of walking through challenges together to listen to often. R/L Gassho
Seeing fear of abandonment is actually ego's fear. It transferred its fear to a young person long ago. It's not real. No monster in closet! Ego makes it seem real by drawing attention to anything imaginably wrong in Life. "I'm here with you" is the most reassuring reassurance. R/L Gassho
In my closet -so many useless thoughts and beliefs about how hard work that ignores this human's needs is the only way to live in this world (because I am alone). What trash - and so insulting to the Life force that is always there guiding and nourishing.
When "my heart is racing and palms sweating", I have never experienced "there is nothing wrong"! Practice, practice, practice. I do recall having a medical emergency and feeling calm, thinking, "so this is how I leave this world". Practice, practice, practice! R/L
Having a guide and being with each scared part of this person was very valuable. Not arguing with ego's rants and coming back to the moment with the yes and was also helpful. Thank you for the visualization and encouragement to be with the child/adult who needs it. continue R/L
PRACTICING BEING COMPASSION to frightened child, I discover ways to listen, reassure I'm here right, aid with safely looking into the fear. Noticing courage arises to do it for child. Applying that courage and curiosity to current fear of depression. The Guide's Fear and Depression audio books greatly assist. Gassho
Attending to "her" is accessible. Nixing the "what's wrong" ego conversation. Instead caring about "what's going on" for this human changes everything; showing I care enough to want to know and be with her rather than ego's message that she's being an annoying pest. Huge relationship shift. R/L Gassho
Playfulness, curiosity, innocence flood back in with the reassurances, fresh, new, ready, open, brimming with Life, unscathed by time away. Easy to assume the playfulness, curiosity, innocence come and go depending on conditions, but looking closer reveals the exact opposite, it's only an ego story appearing to come and go.
Impacted by how helpful soothing myself as a small child not only helps for anxiety, but helps for EVERYTHING! It's refreshing to know this technique (which I have dabbled in before) is being practiced Sangha wide. I've always fallen for the story that, "this is inner-child hippy stuff."
Such compassion for the child. Like the mentor has. Then get curious, without judgement. That compassion, plus curiosity and the willingness to look right at the most feared thing, makes the most feared thing (ego/conditioning/voices) disappear. It's a practice, but when it works even for a moment, it's miraculous!
Preparing to ride my bike. Scary thoughts and images arise. I suppress or ignore them. When riding, they return even though I'm fine. Mentor intervenes with supporing words "There are always risks. Ride with caution and be present. I'm with you and you are adequate to your situation." R/L Gassho
Looking at resistance to Annual Physical for 15 years exposed fear and mistrust of Doctors. The process with Mentor helps daily to keep appointment by focusing on herenow rather than the horrific past family history of misdiagnosis--and treatments. Mentor says we will go through it together. R/L Gassho
How very soothing it felt to be reassured and comforted by this other aspect of me. I don't do it by default. I forget, struggle and worry. It amazes me how automatically I comfort and sooth my scared granddaughter and my dementia striken parents, but not my own scared self.
If everything is perfect already, then I can relax knowing that I tried. The beatings, as part of that perfection, lose their grip. My mind is more open. Instead of attaching meaning to the feelings, I can ask, "what is it?" and let go of knowing, choosing to not know!
Travelling with family member and experiencing the difference practice has made. Allowing mosquito bites more and more without having to scratch (ego's calls to defend, justify, etc.). Much more loving connection results. Today some gentle holding of this human who fears losing control due to lack of sleep. Gassho.
Hard to remember that fear can't hurt me. If I let ego, I keep spiraling. Sometimes I realize it's running the show. I stop. I offer compassion, love, and comforting. Lots of protesting. Lots of clinging. Lots of stories come up. Continuing to practice over and over. Gassho.
It's about the presence to enable that comforting process to occur when you are in a different "wild" focus entirely. It has to be repetitive practice and a deep knowing to allow this. It does take courage and huge willingness in acute situations. I first practice with the constant fear.
The child doesn't trust me, believes I am collaborating with the monster to lure her to her death. The only resolution is "yes and" to her story. Let her decide where she feels safe, I reduce the monster to a speck, together we watch the ocean carry it away.
Accessed the seven year old inner child part, which "feels too afraid to move on and do anything." I noticed I cannot connect with it when I feel unsafe, confused, frustrated, identified. My fragmented parts don't believe that I am here for their wellbeing. Arrrgh!?! Parts are ego, right!?
Thank you for conscious, compassionate, accepting, unconditionally loving Big person. A beautiful example! It's been helpful in recollecting fearful experiences I've been through with some awareness of love, presence & Life's mentoring. Exploring lingering, projected self-hate/failure around fear of darkness when alone; seeing this is ego's inadequacy to Life! Gassho R/L
What a beautiful Guidance. First two times, I fell asleep. Third time, I *heard* it and practiced = wonderful, liberating, encouraging. Next morning, the voices came back with earlier comments of "doesn't apply to us," "infantile." Back to Guidance and Practice, "staying close," Taking Refuge.
I'm seeing a process which is very karmic. I want to do something, full of joy and excitement. Then the voices start, I stop in fear. I am now watching, observing. Adding compassion softens, loosening the grip. More room to stay with joy and not leave. Gassho
Noticing fear response same no matter the content: strength of fear can be the same for car broke down on desolate dark road or, can't find parking place. For me, antidote is evolving: notice fear sensations, pause, breathe, inward inquiry, record and listen with mentor, listen to recordings. R/L
I was in a karmic pattern, I was off routine having covid, everything seemed to be "going wrong". Conditioning was there to point out everything awful that can happen. Communication with my partner suffers in those times. Acceptance of the human suffering with lineage karma shone the light to compassion.
this assignment was eye opening and provided a personal movement in my self, I didn't expect. Being needed by the child open the flood gate to my very essence. looking at all the areas of my fear. opening my heart with warmth and love softened everything in my world.
Thank you for that radical perspective to become the one that can mentor, guide, reassure, and comfort the one who is experiencing the fear and anxiety. The process is moving from the one identified with ego and self hate causing anxiety to the Love and compassion that is authentic nature.
Lately, life hasn't presented me with many big, new, oh-god-no fears, but sooner or later it probably will. Developing my acceptance muscle here and now with whatever does arise--anxiety, irritation, frustration, confusion (long list)--feels like a good practice. Will put up a reminder because forgetting is a biggie. Gassho
This assignment descended like a comforting blanket. It's been instantly grounding to recognize the anxiety producing content. Instead of denying that possibility, I'm practicing flowing into the awareness that anything could happen and, no matter what, there is a loving presence to go through it with. Gassho R/L
I'm starting a practice called 'How am I practicing anxiety?" The awareness is around how I'm using my attention to keep myself anxious through identification with stories, scrolling, thoughts, narratives. It can be a full time job.
The Mentor is child's (this human's) caregiver, opening doors, shining light on darkness and fears sent by ego-centric karmic conditioning self-hate. Gratitude to the Mentor for constant care of the human. R/L
Notice fear of punishment. For not being a good enough person, or doing life right, resulting in some sort of misery. Then I remember the times feared punishment did not pan out- helps only briefly. Mind needs to be assured it will all be Ok, which it can't get
Thanks for this beautiful assignment. Connected with scared part through right/left-hand writing. I found she's scared of not being liked and "making a mistake," which shows up in delaying communication and action. Listening and reflecting her concerns, my heart was right there. Supporting the human, while exposing ego. R/L Gassho
A newer addition to pretty constant anxiety: "super-jumpy". A leaf skitters by and I duck until see was just a leaf. Assignment helps me to see that the part I can stop is the criticism and judgment and just be with a person working through anxious and super-jumpy. Gassho R/L
Lately it seems like every decision or action is framed by ego as the one that will lead to a fate worse that death. I feel very heavy. Then ego sighs tiredly- moving attention away from doom is just so hard. Then I shift the attention--not hard. R/L= freedom.
Beautiful practice to keep choosing to reassure and support myself through ego storms. Looking to Life not ego for guidance in each moment. Sensory experience causes me to lose focus. Ego says you still have that "anxious" sensation in your gut, you're still afraid. Watching these snakes closely. Gassho R/L
This assignment is beautifully articulating how to stop believing the voices of conditioned mind. Removing attention from the paralyzing beliefs has not been easy. But it is the only way out. I have been practicing your guidance since 1984. Dear Guide, thank-you--with the deepest bow for being there. R/L Gassho
I have had illness and surgery that came on suddenly . I have been able to go through acceptance without the fear. The largest other thing has been seeing and hearing my partner, and knowing in myself, that she is doing what she can and I'm Loving her for that.
Taking the assignments in the practice arena not only intellectual gymnastics has bin a game changer. Moving from habitual karmic resistance to acceptance someone to be there in unconditional love and acceptance " oh yes please tell me" not feeling negated, abandent whatever they are experiencing. Gift to"me"and everyone.ThankYou R/L
What I saw is that young people have been living every aspect of my life. I'm now 56. Someone is afraid of doing the wrong thing at work , talking to romantic interests, playing unskillfully on my instrument. I get to nurture all and let authenticity live my life. Gassho
Practised with, "We watch the fear and realise there is nothing happening to me." Revealed the arsenal of what the voices say, over and over, such as, "You can't do it, you should worry, it's going to be really bad, and hard..." Wow, it's not true, it's not real! R/L
I am able to support her in being willing to look at the monster. Later, when distracted, ego amps up the counterattacks: mean voice with seemingly new hateful messages, strong sensations ('shame'). Need to practice awareness continually for suffering to end. 'Fun,' 'relaxing' distraction lets ego creep in. R/L
What I am telling the kid is "here no one is gonna scream at you". No matter what you do no one is going to get angry. Look. I love you. There's nothing you can do that would cause me to get mad at you. I love you. RL